So as usual, it’s 3 AM and instead of sleep I am staring at the ceiling. It’s been kind of a rough day. I took a shower, which anymore is a Herculean task and wears me out pretty well. J came over and shaved my head for me, and the shower afterwards was both marvelous relief from all the little itchy bits and frustration at my newfound inability to scrub my skin properly. I am out of breath, tired, and not completely clean when I get out. I feel a little defeated, if I’m being honest. I’m still doing infusions, and so there is two weeks out of the month when I cannot take a shower. I scrub the best as I can with washcloth and baby wipes, and after the last infusion of the cycle is done I take a very long warm soak in the shower. It feels like a second skin sloughs off and it feels wonderful. Anymore though, my attempts to scrub are coming up short.
After J goes home, I’m sitting in bed and screwing around on the Internet as always and someone posts a meme on Facebook gets under my skin. It wasn’t directed at me personally, but it was something I am six shades of defensive about and it bothers me a lot. I left a sarcastic comment reply, closed my laptop, and declare that’s enough Internet for one day. As usual it takes me a very long time to fall asleep. As usual it’s because of unwanted conversation.
I feel a little queasy.
hey uh sorry about that i think it’s the new meds
Oh, hey, Body. How’s it going.
not so great today. i couldn’t get hands to work proper, so now i’m not actually as clean as i want to be, but i really don’t think there’s anything i can do about that? i mean i’m trying really hard?
Yeah, that sucks. It’s almost time to admit defeat,huh?
HEY LOSERS WHAT’S HAPPENING
What’s up, Brain. Kind of expected you earlier to be honest. Body and I were just talking and it’s probably time to start thinking about getting some help for real.
YEAH THAT SUCKS AND I DON’T WANT TO THINK ABOUT THAT.
Well, we’re going to have to. Eventually. And you know this.
WELL LIZ IS COMING OVER TUESDAY TO START TALKING ABOUT SHARE THE CARE NONSENSE. LET’S DEAL WITH THAT THEN.
We kind of need to think about that beforehand, though. And Liz can’t really help us come to terms with needing bathing assistance. She didn’t sign on for that. That’s something we have to do.
HEY REMEMBER THE SONGS WE USED TO SING IN SUNDAY SCHOOL?
… are you serious right now
For real though, Brain. I need you to focus for a second.
FAAAAAAAAAAAAATHEEEEEERRRRRRRR ABRAHAM! HAD MANY SONS!
Are you fucking kidding me right now. Brain.
MANY SONS HAD FAAAAAAAAAAAATHER ABRAHAM!
Dude. Get your shit together. This is serious. Body is not really able to help us as well as she used to. I’m not asking you to pick up the slack or anything, we all know that you can’t. You know Body is going to fail us completely, and you and I need a plan for when that happens.
i don’t want to let you down
I AM ONE OF THEM
I know that. It’s not your fault.
whose fault is it then
I really wish I knew. I’d kick their teeth in.
well we couldn’t really. not anymore
AND SO ARE YOU
Yeah I know that too . But we have an entire posse full of people willing to do it for us.
we are really lucky aren’t we. all things considered
HEY HEY HEY
YES, Brain, what.
REMEMBER IN SUNDAY SCHOOL? THE SONG WITH THE STOP AND GO SIGNS? AND HOW IT WOULD COMPLETELY MAKE OUR WEEK IF WE WERE THE ONES PICKED ON TO HOLD UP THE SIGNS DURING THE SONGS? WITH THE LYRICS ON THE BACK? “STOP!! AND LET ME TELL YOU”? REMEMBER HOW PROUD WE WERE WHEN SISTER MENG CALLED ON US TO LEAD THE SONGS?
….Yeah. What about it?
I MISS THAT. LIFE WAS SO MUCH SIMPLER.
i could do anything
Yeah. I miss that too.
DEEP! AND WIDE! DEEP! AND WIDE!
Yep. So much simpler. Go to sleep, asshole.